Quotes I love...
Quote (341) By:
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?A. L. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Abraham Lincoln
The things I want to know are in books; my best friend is the man who'll get me a book I ain't read. Abraham Lincoln
When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.Abraham Lincoln
Dwell upon the brightest parts in every prospect... and strive to be pleased with the present circumstances.Abraham Tucker
... just to be alive is a grand thing. Agatha Christie
I am happy and content because I think I am.Alain-Rene Lesage
Everything should be made as simple as possible ... but not simpler. Albert Einstein
Imagination is more important than knowledge. Albert Einstein
It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge. Albert Einstein
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein
Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value. Albert Einstein
Sharing what you have is more important than what you have. Albert M. Wells, Jr.
There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that's your own self. Aldous Huxley (Time Must Have a Stop)
What we do today, right now, will have an accumulated effect on all our tomorrows.Alexandra Stoddard
There are two ways to slide easily through life; to belie everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking. Alfred Korzybski
Adventure is worthwhile in itself. Amelia Earhart
People living deeply have no fear of death.Anais Nin
One man with courage makes a majority. Andrew Jackson
That white horse you see in the park could be a zebra synchronized with the railings. Ann Jellicoe (from The Knack)
A man of courage never wants weapons. Anon.
A true friend is the best possession. Anon.
Don't rent space to anyone in your head. Anon.
Friendship is a plant which must be often watered.Anon.
Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. Anon.
If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it. Anon.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. Anon.
Life guarantees a chance - not a fair shake. Anon.
More powerful than the will to win is the courage to begin. Anon.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research. Anon.
The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer than your head. Anon.
The door of opportunity won't open unless you some pushing. Anon.
Time stays long enough for anyone who will use it.Anon.
When things go wrong, don't go with them. Anon.
Why not learn to enjoy the little things - there are so many of them.Anon.
You cannot always have happiness, but you can always give happiness. Anon.
You have enemies? Good! It means you've stood up for something at least once in your life.Anon.
Do not measure your life by the breaths that you take, but by the moments that take your breath awayAnon
Fear drives you and makes you better. Anon
The worst way to miss someone is when you're standing next to them knowing you cant have them.Anon
Man is what he believes. Anton Chekhov
He who fears something gives it power over him.Arab Proverb
Happiness depends upon ourselves. Aristotle
The man who gets angry at the right things and with the right people, and in the right way and at the right time and for the right length of time, is commended. Aristotle
Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects. Arnold Glaskow
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times it's the only time we've got. Art Buchwald
The time comes when you realize that you haven't only been specializing in something - something has been specializing in you. Arthur Miller
You have no idea how big the other fellow's troubles are. B.C. Forbes
We cannot hold a torch to light another's path, without brightening our own.Ben Sweetland
To gain that which is worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything else. Bernadetter Devlin
Hardly anyone knows how much is gained by ignoring the future. Bernard de Fontenelle
Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile. Bertrand Russell
Practice being excited. Bill Foster
Oh ... I listen a little and talk less. You can't learn anything when you're talking. Bing Crosby
Redeem thy mis-spent time that's past: Live this day as if 'twere they last. Bishop Thomas Ken
Be willing to trust your instincts, especially if you cannot find answers elsewhere. Brian Koslow
Forget the lottery. Bet on yourself instead.Brian Koslow
Surround yourself with people who believe in you.Brian Koslow
The freedom to move forward to new opportunities and to produce results comes from living in the present not the past. Brian Koslow
The more you are willing to accept responsibility for your actions, the more credibility you will have. Brian Koslow
Life is a compromise of what your ego wants to do, experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton
Never in this world can hatred be stilled by hatred; it will be stilled only by non-hatred - this is the law Eternal. Buddha
What we think, we become. Buddha
Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple.C. W. Ceram
Fere libenter homines id quod volunt, credunt. Men willingly believe what they wish. Caius Julius Caeser
Any path is the only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you. Carlos Castenada
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. Carlos Castenada
I will write of him who fights and vanquishes his sins, who struggles on through weary years against himself and wins. Caroline B. LeRow
An optimist is a driver who thinks that empty space at the curb won't have a hydrant beside it. Changing Times Magazine.
Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones. Charles Caled Colton
Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many - not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. Charles Dickens
Humility is to make a right estimate of oneself. Charles H. Spurgeon
The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident. Charles Lamb (Table Talk, In the Athenaeum.)
The race advances only by the extra achievements of the individual. You are the individual. Charles Towne
The efficient man is the man who thinks for himself.Charles W. Eliot
Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. Charles-Maurice de Tallyrand
Never insult an alligator until after you've crossed the river. Chinese proverb. (Seen at Gatorland in Florida)
Never try to catch two frogs with one hand. Chinese proverb
Doubt whom you will, but never yourself. Christian Bovee
The method of the enterprising is to plan with audacity and execute with vigor. Christian Bovee
Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix. Christina Baldwin
Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount. Clare Booth Luce
You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. Colette
The superior man ... does not set his mind either for or against anything, he will pursue whatever is right ... the superior man thinks of virtue, the common man of comfort. Confucius (Analects)
Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends. Czech proverb
All of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. Dale Carnegie
Remember happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think.Dale Carnegie
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.Daniele Vare
Be a life long or short, its completeness depends on what it was lived for. David Starr Jordan
Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun. Don Marquis
Leadership is action, not position.Donald H. McGannon
That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you've understood all your life, but in a new way. Doris Lessing
Act as if it were impossible to fail. Dorothea Brande
Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better way will they find?Dr. Samual Johnson
Six essential qualities that are the key to success: Sincerity, personal integrity, humility, courtesy, wisdom, charity.Dr. William Menninger
A man hath no better thing under the sun than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry. Ecclesiastes, 8:15
Why not be oneself? That is the whole secret of a successful appearance. If one is a greyhound, why try to look like a Pekingese?Eddith Sitwell
A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. Edgar Watson Howe
You can never plan the future by the past. Edmund Burke
When duty comes a-knocking at your gate, Welcome him in, for if you bid him wait, He well depart only to come once more and bring seven other duties to your door. Edwin Markham
Every man is a damned fool for at least five minutes every day. Wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.Elbert Hubbard
Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway. Elbert Hubbard
To know when to be generous and when firm - this is wisdom. Elbert Hubbard
Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you. Elbert Hubbard
Love your enemy - it will drive him nuts.Eleanor Doan
Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.Ellie Katz
He who is shipwrecked the second time cannot lay the blame on Neptune. English proverb
No man is free who is not master of himself. Epictetus
It is the chiefest point of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is. Erasmus
The only thing about the future is that it will surprise even those who have seen furthest into it. Eric Hobsbawm
There is only one meaning of life: the act of living itself. Erich Fromm
The best time to make friends is before you need them. Ethel Barrymore
God gave us our relatives,; thank God we can choose our friends. Ethel Watts Mumford
All serious daring starts from within. Eudora Welty
Judge a tree from, its fruit, not from the leaves. Euripedes
There is just one life for each of us: our own. Euripides
Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries. Everett McKinley Dirksen
Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.Fran Lebowitz
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. Francis Bacon
Prosperity is not without many fears and distastes; and adversity is not without comforts and hopes.Francis Bacon
Learn to listen. Opportunity could be knocking at your door very softly. Frank Tyger
Your future depends on many things, but mostly on you. Frank Tyger
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.Franklin P. Jones
Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bored ourselves? Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
To learn is to change.George B. Leonard
Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.George Bernard Shaw
The trongest principle of growth lies in human choice. George Eliot
Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion. George Hegel
Skill and confidence are an unconquered army.George Herbert
To have what we want is riches; but to be able to do without is power. George Macdonald
We must dare, and dare again, and go on daring. Georges Jacque Danton
To change and to improve are two different things. German proverb
Wealth lost - something lost; Honor lost - much lost; Courage lost - all lost.German proverb
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. Goethe
The man with insight enough to admit his limitations comes nearest to perfection. Goethe
Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. Grandma Moses
Learn to depend upon yourself by doing things in accordance with your own way of thinking. Grenville Kleiser
Up to a certain point every man is what he things he is. H. H. Bradley
Solitude is he human condition in which I keep myself company. Loneliness comes about when I am alone without being able to split up into the two-in-one, without being able to keep myself company. Hannah Arendt
You had better live your best and act your best and think your best today; for today is the sure preparation for tomorrow and all the other tomorrows to follow. Harriet Martineau
Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Harry Emerson Fosdick
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. Helen Keller
I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. Henry David Thoreau
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to lead the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. Henry David Thoreau
This life is not for complaint, but for satisfaction. Henry David Thoreau
What's important is finding out what works for you. Henry Moore
In this world a man must be either anvil or hammer. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (Hyperion)
Lord of himself, though not of lands, and having nothing, yet hath all. Henry Wotton
Cease to inquire what the future has in store, and take as a gift whatever the day brings forth. Horace
We will not know unless we begin. Howard Zinn
Good friends are good for your health. Irwin Sarason
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and I wouldn't look up. Well, maybe once.Isaac Asimov
Man must choose whether to be rich in things or in the freedom to use them. Ivan Illich
The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. Ivy Baker Priest
The Japanese have a word for it. It's judo - the art of conquering by yielding. The western equivalent of judo is, 'Yes, dear.'J. P. McAvoy
The foolish person seeks happiness in the distance, the wise person grows it under his feet.James Oppenheim
The tongue is but three inches long, yet it can kill a man six feet high. Japanese proverb
You're going to have to learn to fake cheerfulness. Believe it or not eventually that effort will pay off: you'll actually start feeling happier. Jean Bach
Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness. Jean Vanier
When you have no choice, mobilize the spirit of courage. Jewish proverb
If you don't control your mind, someone else will. John Allston
But far more numerous was the herd of such, who think too little, and who talk too much.John Dryden
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. John F. Kennedy
The only unchangeable certainty is that nothing is certain or unchangeable. John F. Kennedy
For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: It might have been. John Greenleaf Whittier
To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often. John Henry Newman
O for a life of sensations rather than of thoughts!John Keats
The days that make us happy make us wise. John Masefield
People who take time to be a long usually have depth, originality, and quiet reserve.John Miller
Accuse not Nature, she hath done her part; Do thou but thine. John Milton (Paradise Lost)
It is a sign of strength, not of weakness, to admit that you don't know all the answers.John P. Lougbrane
Courage is being scared to death ... and saddling up anyway. John Wayne
Opportunities multiply as they are seized; they die when neglected. Life is a long line of opportunities. John Wicker
When a true genius appears in this world you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. Jonathan Swift (Thoughts on Various Subjects)
If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it. Jonathan Winters
If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right. Jules Renard
A laugh is a terrible weapon. Kate O'Brien
Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it is good only for wallowing. Katherine Mansfield
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut
He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty. Lao-tzu
The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. Laurence J. Peter
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.Laurence Peter
Faith is the only known cure for fear. Lena K. Sadler
Remember then: there is only one time that is important - now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. Leo Tolstoy
The strongest of all warriors are these two - Time and Patience. Leo Tolstoy
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. Leonardo da Vinci
It is best to act with confidence, no matter how little right you have to it. Lillian Hellman
There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second. Logan Pearsall Smith
To disbelieve is easy; to scoff is simple; to have faith is harder. Louis L'Amour
When shall we live if not now?M. F. K. Fisher
The distance doesn't matter, only the first step is difficult. Madam Marquise du Deffand
Men who never get carried away should be.Malcolm Forbes
Be resolute, fear no sacrifice and surmount every difficulty to win victory. Mao Tse-Tung (Te Foolish Man Who Removed the Mountain)
Everyman's life lies within the present, for the past is spent and done with, and the future is uncertain. Marcus Aurelius
The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. Marcus Aurelius
Why do we shrink from change? What can come into being save from change?Marcus Aurelius
Do the thing that is next, saith the proverb, and a nobler shall yet succeed. 'Tis the motive exalts the action; 'Tis the doing, not the dee. Margaret Junkin Preston
Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect. Margaret Mitchell
Courage is rarely reckless or foolish ... courage usually involves a highly realistic estimate of the odds that must be faced. Margaret Truman
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.Mark Twain
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. Mark Twain
If a man hasn't discovered something that would die for, he isn't fit to live. Martin Luther King, Jr.
If you can't figure a guy out, you're thinking too hard Mark Wooley
Who loves not wine, women and song, remains a fool his whole life long. Martin Luther
People fall forward to success. Mary Kay Ash
Resolve to be thyself; and know the he who finds himself, loses his misery. Matthew Arnold
Nobody ever died of laughter. Max Beerbohm
Courage is the most important of all virtues, because without it we can't practice any other virtue with consistency.Maya Angelou
One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Maya Angelou
Twixt the optimist and the pessimist the difference is quite droll: The optimist the doughnut sees, the pessimist the hole. McLandburgh Wilson
If you want an accounting of your worth, count your friends. Merry Browne
The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them...Michel de Montaigne
An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist always run to blow it out? Michel de Saint-Pierre
And I don't care about what you sayMindCandy
Bare with me it will be just fineMindCandy
Face the anger, find a way to live foreverMindCandy
I am everything you say. I am in many different waysMindCandy
I long for the chance to walk and breathe MindCandy
I must remain alive MindCandy
I only feel alive when I'm about to dieMindCandy
I said now, bitch, you better recognizeMindCandy
I will existMindCandy
If we go down, then we go down fightingMindCandy
I'm feeling fine, am I outta my mindMindCandy
I'm the king of everlasting dreamsMindCandy
In my eyes I'm gonna save youMindCandy
It brings me down to see the angel cryingMindCandy
Livin' everyday like the shit's gonna hit the fanMindCandy
The final stand, there's nothing more that you can doMindCandy
To live your life with no regrets insideMindCandy
Will you bleed for meMindCandy
Your not the thing that's controlling meMindCandy
On the human chessboard, all moves are possible. Miriam Schiff
The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood martyr. Muhammad
It's never too late - in fiction or in life - to revise. Nance Thayer
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Napoleon Bonaparte
The stupid speak of the past, the wise of the present, fools of the future. Napoleon Bonaparte
The strong man is the one who is able to intercept at will the communication between the senses and the mind.Napoleon
To do all that one is able to do is to be a man; to do all that one would like to do is to be a god.Napoleon
An expert is one who knows more and more and more about less and less. Nicholas Butler
The most wasted of all days is that on which one has not laughed. Nicolas-Sebastien Chamfort
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. Niels Bohr
Courage is clearly a readiness to reisk self-humiliation.Nigel Dennis
Man is not only of this world but of another world, not only of necessity, but of freedom.Nikolai Berdyaev
Simply stated, it is sagacious to eschew obfuscation.
Simply stated, it is wise to not confuse.
Norman Augustine
Change your thoughts and you change your world. Norman Vincent Peale
A man's mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions. Oliver Wendell Holmes
Life is a great bundle of little things. Oliver Wendell Holmes
When in doubt, do it.Oliver Wendell Holmes
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. Oscar Wilde
Reach high, for stars hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal. Pamela Star
The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable. Paul Tillich
Take eloquence and wring its neck. Paul Verlaine
You must change in order to survive. Pearl Bailey
My greatest strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions. Peter F. Drucker
The best way to predict the future is to create it. Peter F. Drucker
Take time every day to do something silly.Philipa Walker
Learn what you are and be such. Pindar
Boast not thyself of to-morrow: for though knowest not what a day may bring forth. Proverbs, 27:1
Do not say, 'It is morning,' and dismiss it with a name of yesterday. See it for the first time as a newborn child that has no name. Rabindranath Tagore
A man's growth is seen in the successive choir of his friends.Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fear is an instructor of great sagacity, and the herald of all revolutions. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.Ralph Waldo Emerson
The world belongs to the energetic. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. Raymond Linquist
There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature.Richard B. Sheridan
Always remember others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M. Nixon
There is only one kind of failure I cannot tolerate; the failure to risk failure. Richard Marcinko (The Rogue Warriors Strategy for Success)
A minute's success pays the failure of years. Robert Browning (Apollo and the Fates)
The education of a man is never complete until he dies. Robert E. Lee
I always entertain great hopes.Robert Frost
Only those who dare, truly live. Ruth Freedman
You have not lived a perfect day, even though you earned your money, unless you have done something for someone who will never be able to repay you. Ruth Smeltzer
Never say you don't know - nod wisely, leave calmly, then run like hell to find the nearest expert. S. M. Oddo
You can pretend to be serious, you can't pretend to be witty. Sacha Guitry
There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than rue friendship. Saint Thomas Aquinas
Each man the architect of his own fate.Sallust
Every man is the architect of his own fortune.Sallust
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite. Sam Levenson (You Don't have to be in Who's Who to know What's What)
Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings. Samuel Johnson
Sow a thought, and you reap an Act; Sow and Act, and you reap a Habit; Sow a Habit, and you reap a Character; Sow a Character and you reap a Destiny. Samuel Smiles (Life and Labour (1887))
Happy he who learns to bear what he cannot change.Schiller
Choosing a goal and sticking to it changes everything. Scott Reed
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment. Seneca
It better befits a man to laugh at life than to lament over it. Seneca
Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant. Socrates
Spend time every day listening to what your muse is trying to tell you.St. Bartholomew
Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections. St. Francis de Sales
When everything has to be right, something isn't. Stanislaw Lec
To be is to do -- Plato; To do is to be -- Socrates.Student & Teacher
Don't use the conduct of a fool as a precedent. Talmud
Live in this world as if you were going to live forever. Prepare for the next world as if you were going to die tomorrow. The Muslim Writers Mosque (The Garden in the Sands)
All fortune belongs to him who has a contented mind.The Panchatantra
Examine the contents, not the bottle. The Talmud
The best leader is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.Theodore Roosevelt
Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something.Thomas A. Edison
The object of oratory is not truth but persuasion.Thomas Babington Macaulay
The king is the man who can.Thomas Carlyle
The principal use of the body is to carry the brain around; and the brain is what we are. Thomas Edison
Better lose a jest than a friend.Thomas Fuller
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all people are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Thomas Jefferson (modified)
Our very business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves. Thomas L. Monson
Perhaps I am stronger than I think. Thomas Merton
Faith that the thing can be done is essential to any great achievement.Thomas N. Carruther
What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness that gives everything its value. Thomas Paine (American Crisis)
There's nothing like eavesdropping to show you that the world outside your head is different from the world inside your head. Thornton Wilder
The future is the most expensive luxury in the world. Thorton Wilder
We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them. Thucydides
No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back. Turkish proverb
None is so rich as to throw away a friend.Turkish Proverb
Men ... employ speech only to conceal their thoughts. Voltaire
The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their power to harm us. Voltaire
To every disadvantage there is a corresponding advantage. W. Clement Stone
I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. W. E. Henley (Invictus)
I'll be sober tomorrow, but you'll be crazy for the rest of your life. W.C. Fields (in reply to an accusation of drunkenness)
If you've got it, flaunt it. If you do not, pretend. Wally Phillips.
There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate's loot on Treasure Island ... and best of all, you can enjoy these riches every day of your life. Walt Disney
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
We are all here for a spell, get all the god laughs you can. Will Rogers
The most drastic, and usually the most effective remedy for fear is direct action. William Burnham
Walk groundly, talk profoundly, drink roundly, sleep soundly. William Hazlitt
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a man can alter his life simply by altering his attitude of mind. William James
A good laugh is sunshine in a house. William Makepeace Thackeray
If fate means you to lose, give him a good fight anyway. William McFee (Casuals of the Sea)
Neither despise, nor oppose, what thou dost not understand. William Penn (Some Fruits of Solitude)
They that show more than they are, raise an expectation they cannot answer; and so lose their credit, as soon as they are found out. William Penn (Some Fruits of Solitude)
Boldness be my friend. William Shakespeare (from Cymbeline)
No profit grows where there is no pleasure ta'en. William Shakespeare (The Taming of the Shrew)
Go for the moon. If you don't get it, you'll still be heading for a star. Willis Reed
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. Wilson Mizner
To do things today exactly the way you did them yesterday saves thinking. Woodrow Wilson
Approach a goat from the back, a horse from the front, and a stupid man from no direction whatsoever. Yiddish folk saying
If Fortune calls, offer him a seat.Yiddish proverb
When one must, one can. Yiddish proverb
Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
Are you often troubled by indecent thoughts?
Actually, to be honest, I rather enjoy them.
It's the Muppet Show ...
It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.
It's time to put on makeup
It's time to dress up right
It's time to raise the curtain on the Muppet Show tonight.
Why do we always come here
I guess we'll never know
It's like a kind of torture
To have to watch the show
And now let's get things started
Why don't you get things started
It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational
This is what we call the Muppet Show!
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
  1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
  2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
  3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
  4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
  5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
  6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
  7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior and the spook.
  8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
  9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
  10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
  11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
  12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
  13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
  14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.
    19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN.
  1. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
  2. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
  3. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
  4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
  5. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
  6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
  7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
  8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
  9. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
  10. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
  11. Never lick a steak knife.
  12. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
  14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
  15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
  16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
  17. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
  18. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
  19. Your friends love you, anyway.
    Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies.
  1. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
  2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
  3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
  4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization
  5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
  6. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
  7. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
  8. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
  9. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
  10. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
  11. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
  12. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
  13. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.